In the two hundredth century of mussulman wars, Obamysseus promised the American people into electing him to bring Hope and Change within the United States. The American People had no idea that the Obamysseus socialists were hidden inside the Trojan horse of Hope and Change. That night, when they were elected and they opened the country’s gates to the Socialist army, the American Health Care system was compromised. Now it was time for Obamysseus and the armada of socialists to fundamentally transform the United States. Here begins the tale of the Obamysseus, as sung by the inebriated minstrel Homer Simpson.
So Homer Simpson begins his epic tale, although the hero himself, Obamysseus, is still on vacation. We are treated to a corrosive glimpse of life among the supreme elitist politicians on Capitol Hill. Urged on by Moochelle, the goddess of tacky apparel, they decide that Obamysseus has been amongst too long in the church of the inherently superior of Rev. Wright.
Meanwhile, the House of Congress is infested with democrats seeking handouts from the Princess Pelosi. Everyone assumes Obamysseus has checked out and gone on vacation. His Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel calls an assembly of the Czars for help, and Obamysseus sends an omen of the healthcare debacle. Two Senators, Bawney Fwanks and Chris Dodd, swoop down, tearing the mortgages of Fanny Mea and Freddy Mac with their misappropriations. Afterwards Pelosi sets sail around the mainland on her private military jet to seek more plunder of the American People taxpayer dollars.
Pelosi consults with John Kerry, who led a Genghis Khan contingent in the Vietnam War when he was in his thirties. Kerry tells what he knows of Obamysseus’s return from vacation: “It started out badly because of Hillary Clinton’s anger. Half the army, General Petraeus included, stayed behind in Iraq to try to appease Hillary. The rest of us made it home safely — all except for General Stanley McChrystal, who was blown off course and dismissed for insulting Obamysseus and coining the phrase “Joe BiteMe”. Seeking advice from General Petraeus, I’ll lend you a Boeing C-17 Globemaster III to travel to his kingdom.”
Petraeus tells what he learned to Obamysseus while stranded in Iraq during the war. He was advised by Hillary to disguise himself and three members of his staff in burqas, and then go to Afghanistan to help Hamid Karzai. If Petraeus could help defeat the Taliban while Karzai transformed Afghanistan’s wealth to himself , he would send them on their way homeward and give good news of their companions. Petraeus did as instructed, but was informed that the Obamysseus was presently on vacation and being held against his will by the sand trap at the ninth hole of the golf course.
Rahm Emanuel, the Chief of Staff, sends his messenger Robert Gibbs skimming over the air waves using the magic teleprompter. Though the people aren’t happy about it, he agrees to let the Obamysseus go on another vacation. But the election on which he sets sail is destroyed by his enemy, the Party of Tea, who lashed the electorate seas into a storm with his trident of Tea Party, Libertarians and Republicans. The Obamysseus barely escapes with his political life and washes ashore days later, shellacked. He staggers into Air Force One and goes on vacation.
Obamysseus awakens to the sound of maidens laughing. Princess Pelosi of the San Franciscans has come down to the riverside to launder the taxpayer’s money. Now she and her handmaid, Bawney Fwanks, are frolicking after the chore. Obamysseus approaches as a suppliant, and Pelosi is kind enough to instruct him how to get Rahm Emanuel’s help in returning to his home in Chicago. Where he campaign’s for Mayor.
Obamysseus stops on the White House threshold, utterly befuddled. The very walls are covered in shining white marble and trimmed with an oddly shaped yellow shower curtain. The hair plugged VEEP Joe Biden has even provided two brazen union thugs to guard the entrance. Obamysseus goes right up to Princess Pelosi and puts his case of Universal Health care to her. Joe Biden knows better than to refuse hospitality to a decent, clean and articulate petitioner. He invites Obamysseus to a banquet which is in progress and promises him safe passage of the health care law after the Obamysseus has been suitably vacationed.
The next day is declared a holiday in honor of the passing of Obamacare, whose contents of the new law the American People still does not fully know. An athletic competition is held, with lab coats, organic gardening and beer tasting. Obamysseus himself is invited to join in but bugs off on vacation, prompting someone to suggest that he lacks the skills to run the office of the presidency. Angered, he takes up a teleprompter and speaks along side with Greek Columns that makes everyone in the Press Corp’s drop to the ground in fright. That night at the beer summit, as the court bard entertains with songs of Stevie Wonder, Obamysseus is heard stammering. “Enough!” shouts Obamysseus. Afterwards, a conga line formed after the media were escorted out and, apparently, after Obamysseus was ready to speak!
“My name is Obamysseus of Hawai’i, and here is my tale since setting out from Chicago. We were shellacked on the 2010 elections, but then union reinforcements arrived too late, and we lost many democrat comrades.” Next Obamysseus was visited by the Union Duces and democrat senators, and three of their hooligans attempted to pass Card Check. “They lost all desire to return home and face angry taxpayer townhall meetings”, said Obamysseus. On another State we investigated a cave full of Union ogres. The Unions turned out to be ruffians with a single purple tee-shirt worn by all its members. This Unions promptly raised compulsory membership dues and commissioned buses for illegal demonstrations. Trapping bankers children in a house surrounded by screaming Purple People Beaters standing in the doorway with a megaphone screaming obscenities.
Next Obamysseus met the Keeper of the FED, who sent him on his way with a steady breeze of Quantitative Easing. He’d given Obamysseus a papyrus udder, which his administratio mistook for free currentum. They opened it and released a cyclonic vortex of debt that blew them back further into debitam. They ended up among the debt laden states, which harangue his administration with requests for free cash. The few union survivors were put on the island of the enchanter Andy Stern of SEIU. Obamysseus men were entertained by him and then, with a wave of his hand, raised their union dues. Andy Stern, the union boss, gave Obamysseus a pledge of union endorsement that will ensure his election in 2012. Stern told Obamysseus that to get reelected he must travel to the land of union tribute, Wisconsin.
At the furthest edge of Union phantasm is the land to which all rights go when they die. Here their spirits endure a freedom-less existence. They can’t even talk unless re-animated with taxpayer monies. Accordingly, Obamysseus did as Stern instructed, raising taxes upon the American people into a forever spiraling money pit. Rev. Jim Wallis, the socialist soothsayer who had accompanied Obamysseus to Washington D.C., was the new ecclesiastical adviser to Obamysseus. So Obamysseus held all the other chief executive functions at bay with idle dithering. Rev. Jim Wallis gave Obamysseus portent about his reelection chances and told Obamysseus what he must do to ensure a successful election of remedies. Obamysseus then met with many zoological specimens of many nefarious socialists’ world players, including Hugo Chavez, the socialist of Venezuela, who always wins elections.
On vacation once more Obamysseus had to pass the golf course sirens, whose sweet greens that lure lobbyist and politicians alike to their doom. Obamysseus said, “I had stopped up the ears of my staff with blathering talking points, and I alone listened while lashed to the mast of the teleprompter, powerless to steer the country toward certain destruction”. Next came the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, which swallowed the country in a whirlpool of debt. Avoiding this Obamysseus skirted the cliffs of the economic abyss where it exacts its toll on the American people. Each of Act’s six slavering maws grabbed and spent money on wasted projects such as health care, infrastructure, education, energy, law enforcement and direct cash payments. Finally Obamysseus was becalmed to vacation on the island of the Hawai’i. Obamysseus men disregarded all warnings and sacrificed their reelection, so back on vacation Obamysseus went. “I alone survived the shellacking of the 2010 elections”, said Obamysseus. “It’s always about me.”
When Obamysseus has finished his tale, an outbreak of violence erupted in the Middle East had begun. Obamysseus then sped to condemn Hosni Mubarak of Egypt. Obamysseus, true to his fame as a smooth-talking schemer, makes up a clever story of his birth origins. Meanwhile, Rahm Emanuel himself sleeps in the city of Chicago, as mayor.
Meanwhile back on Washington D.C., Obamysseus listens while the Kings and Queens of Europa decide what to do about Libya. Obamysseus recalls his life as a child of a prosperous Keynesian King, whose realm was often visited by communist traders. This makes even the other European leaders nervous, for this president masquerades as a leader. To test their righteousness, Obamysseus sends in Tomahawk arrows into Libya as a show of strength and leadership.
Now a mussulman, Calypso Walcott, shows up at the palace and warns Obamysseus off his Libyan turf. This mussulman, Calypso Walcott, is always running off with the mouth, “who in Hades do you think you are?”, demands Calypso of Obamysseus. Belching with noxious venom, Calypso continues his rant against Obamysseus to the approval of his legions of bobble headed bow tied drones. Obamysseus then leaps into action and leaves for vacation to the country of Brazila, leaving the nations of Europa to decide the fate of Libya and it surrounding neighbors.
Homer continues the tale of Obamysseus and his Audacious Odyssey….. later….
What’s For Dinner?
Grilled Broadbill Fish over Jasmine Rice Smothered with Pineapple Mango Chutney
Kinda looks like the Continent